Watching a show showing an abusive relationship- it's making me think.
The checking, counting and touching at night is getting worse, but I think it's because I've not been sleeping much. I had an intrusive thought about someone I know- they tried to kill themselves in the thought and were in hospital with bandaged wrists. Even though deep down I knew it wouldn't be real; it felt real and I was scared. I had the obvious compulsion to get in touch with her, but I knew that would just be fuelling my OCD so I didn't. She now knows about this which isn't good. I didn't want to tell her, but she figured it out. It's all been in my head since, but I try to ignore it.
My other half gets mad at me because I'm always asking if she's ok. Sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it. She gets mad and won't speak to me which makes me doubt that she's ok more, but what can I do? So now I've resorted to not asking her AT ALL how she is. It's had though.
She often gets quite aggressive when she's drunk; it scares me. I told her about it and she said she won't drink again. She still is though. I told her she didn't need to do that; I'd just not be around her, but she said no, she'd stop drinking, but she hasn't; she's drinking now. She throws me around, grabs me, pins me up against walls and shouts at me. We don't go out drinking much any more; well, she does, but I won't; not with her.
I haven't cut for a while; I don't want to, but I keep getting upset and crying. Sometimes I think I'll stop being able to cope with OCD. It's too much sometimes. I can't even attend college because of the fear and social anxiety it brings.
I'm sorry to hear how hard you are finding it with OCD but it does get easier.
ReplyDeleteYour other half needs to be more understanding as to how OCD affects a person. If he/she doesn't get it then they are not the person for you as it is essential that you have love and support from people around you to get through it.
Have you spoke to anyone about OCD yet? Speak to a family member or a very close friend about it and then seek assistance from your doctor to be referred for therapy - There is help available to help deal control these thoughts, behaviours, feelings and rituals.
There is a website called OCD-UK (www.ocduk.org) that I found very helpful before I admitted it to anyone.
As to your friend, if she threatens, shouts or is generally abusive to you then you can do without her - You are better and worth more than being somebody's toy to manipulate, whether she's drunk or not.
There are numerous blogs on here written by people with OCD which i'd recommend reading and subscribing to to help you feel less alone.
My very best wishes.